


Suicide Note

by broken_sunshine



Category: The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec Lightwood-centric, F/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-09-25 18:11:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9837047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/broken_sunshine/pseuds/broken_sunshine
Summary: Alec Lightwood has had serious depression and been on medicine since he was thirteen. Sadly, this wasn’t enough. Alec finds myself holding in two big secrets. He’s gay and suicidal. He can’t do this anymore.Mentions of self-harm and character death.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own TMI or the characters.

Dear family, 

I wish I could say I'm sorry, but I'm not. I know not having me in your lives will make your lives so much better and easier. I'm sorry to my siblings for taking all the attention away because of my depression and self-harm. I was a selfish big brother that didn't deserve the younger sister and younger brothers I was given. 

Mom I'm sorry I used your kitchen knives to cut myself. They worked the best. I'm also sorry for using your Advil to kill myself. 

Dad, I'm not sorry to leave you at all. You were never home and you were an awful father. You taught me that I wasn't good enough to live. 

Jace, my brother and best friend. I know it may hurt at first, but you’ll be fine. 

Isabelle thanks for keeping my secret. Please never tell anyone. I know suicide is bad enough to do to mom and dad, but if they knew about the other thing it might just kill them. 

Max, I love you so much little boy. I know you can do whatever you want. I believe in you. 

Love,  
Alec  
-  
May 26. It seemed like a good day to die. Alec Lightwood knew he was done with life. He was just ruining things for the rest of his family. He had been taking all the attention away since he was thirteen. That's when they discovered he had a severe case of depression. After that his life was full of pills and therapy sessions. His parents were careful around him and so were other people. 

He couldn't do it anymore. This was it. It was perfect. Mom and Dad were out on a date. Jace was with his girlfriend Clary and Max was at the Blackthorn’s. Isabelle would be leaving shortly to go to a sleepover with her volleyball friends. Once she left, he'd be on his own. He was barely left alone. He enjoyed it. 

Isabelle knocked on his bedroom door. She had a big sky blue bag in her left hand and her cellphone in her right. Black sunglasses on top of her head and was wearing jean shorts and a flowy white top. “Hey, I'm leaving. I just wanted to say goodbye.”

“Okay, have fun.” 

Her perfect eyebrows scrunched up. “Are you okay, Alec?” Isabelle went and sat on his bed by him. “I can stay home if you want me to. It wouldn't be a problem.”

Alec hugs his sister. “No, go have fun Izzy. I like having the house to myself. It's a lot easier to read when it's quiet.” 

She pulls away. “Okay, I love you.” 

He kisses her forehead. “Love you too. Now go have fun with your team.” 

Isabelle picks her bag up and left. Alec watches her car leave from his window and waits a few minutes to make sure she was gone for good. 

He got his letter he wrote earlier and tapped it to the bathroom door so the person who found him at least would have a warning. 

He dressed into a nice black button up and black dress pants. He also had his dress shoes on and a blue tie. He started his plan. He had Advil from his mom’s bathroom. Maryse suffered from awful headaches and usually had to take the pills at least once a day. The bottle was mostly new. He took all the pills out and popped them into his mouth. Next he started the bath. While he was waiting for it to fill he started cutting his arms. He reopens some of his cuts. He doesn't care. Alec rolls his sleeves down and gets into the tub now that it was filled. He gets in and goes under. 

He blacks out in minutes. He doesn't hear the garage door open. Neither sibling noticed that Isabelle left her phone on Alec’s bed. Isabelle ran up to Alec’s room. She’s surprised when he's not in his room. “Alec? Where are you?” She calls out.

That's when she notices something on his bathroom door. She doesn't even have to read through the whole note to know what Alec was doing. Luckily the door is unlocked. She quickly opens it and the site before her is terrifying. Alec is in a pool of his own blood. 

She pulls him out which is hard. His clothes weigh him down. He’s also a heavy guy. Alec was six two and he was toned. Isabelle finally gets him out. She puts her ear by his mouth to see if he was breathing. He isn’t. Isabelle starts to freak out, but tries to stay calm.  

She quickly calls 911. The operator tells her how to give him CPR. It’s the worst moment of Isabelle's life. Alec isn't responding. The ambulance then comes in and puts Alec on a stretcher. They let Isabelle ride in the ambulance with them. 

“Hello? Isabelle, aren't you with your friends right now?” Her mom asks. 

“N-No.” Her voice cracks. 

“Isabelle what's wrong?” Maryse keeps her voice calm. 

“I left my phone in Alec’s room so when I went home to get it. I couldn't find Alec-c and then I-I find a l-letter. M-Mom, Ale-ec-”

Maryse interrupts her, “Sweetie, take a deep breath.” Robert was watching Maryse trying to figure out what was happening. Maryse hears Isabelle take a few shaky breaths before deciding to talk to her more, “Are you okay now? Can you tell me what's going on?” 

Isabelle sniffles, “I'm not okay. Alec tried t-to k-kill himself.” Then she breaks down sobbing.

“Isabelle text me what hospital you're going to and Dad and I will meet you there. I love you.”

“I-I love you too.” 

Maryse hangs up the phone. “Maryse, what's going on? Why is Isabelle on her way to the hospital.” Robert asks. 

“Alec, tried to kill himself. Isabelle found him. We need to get to the hospital.” Maryse stood up from her seat and threw money in the table, “Now.”

The two parents leave the restaurant. 

“What did we do wrong?” Maryse cries out.

“Maryse, you did nothing wrong. Alec has depression and maybe the pills didn’t work.” Robert tries to reassure her.

“I’m his mother. I should have known if something was wrong with him.” She then tells her husband what hospital to go to.  
-  
When they get to the right floor they find Isabelle sitting with a nurse. Isabelle is hugging her knees to her chest and tears are slowly falling down her face. 

“Isabelle!” Maryse runs over to her daughter and hugs her. “Sh, it’s okay. Everything is going to be okay.” She places a kiss on Isabelle's head.

“N-No it's not.” Isabelle sobs. “It's never going to be okay if Alec d-dies-” Then she cuts herself off with a sob.

Maryse just continues to try to comfort her. How could this be happening? How hadn't she noticed? Why did it have to be Isabelle that found him? 

A doctor approaches them. He sits in the chair by Isabelle. He gives her a smile. “Your Alec's sister right?” Isabelle nods her head. “These are your parents?” Maryse then notices Robert was sitting by her. Isabelle nods her head again. “We had to pump Alec’s stomach and make him throw up to get the pills out of his system. We also were able to get out the little bit of water that was in his lungs out. We got the blood to stop and banged his arms.” He puts a hand on Isabelle's shoulders. “Alec, is going to make it and it's all because of you. You saved his life.”

“He's going to hate me.” Isabelle sobs.

“He might at first,” The doctor confesses, “but after he's gone through therapy and realizes he wants to live, he’ll be thankful. It’ll take time. He hasn't woken up, but do you wanna see him?” 

Isabelle looks at her mom for an answer. 

“It's your choice.” Maryse tells her.

Isabelle bites her lip then answers, “Yes, I'd like to see him.” 

“I think that’s a good idea. Mom, dad, do you want to come too?” The doctor asks them.

“I want to.” Maryse speaks up.

“I want to see Alec too.” Robert says. 

The doctor give them a tight smile. “I’ll show you to his room.” The three follow the doctor. Isabelle is in between her two parents. Her mom is rubbing her back. All Isabelle can see is blood. Alec’s blood. 

“He’s right in there.” The doctor points to a door. “I’m doctor Smith by the way.” He then leaves.

Isabelle doesn’t move to open the door. Is this going to be a new phobia of her’s? Will she always be scared to open doors? Robert opens the door instead and is the first one to enter. Isabelle looks at Alec. There are wires everywhere she looks, but he looks better than he did before. There’s color in his skin. 

“What do we do now?” Isabelle asks her parents. 

Maryse and Robert exchange looks. “We help Alec get better.” Robert tells her. “I’m going to call Jace. We’ll wait to tell Max.”


End file.
